Democracy: Macaque Style.

The Macaque connection came to me when watching, in my usual semi somnolent state, a recent BBC 'Life' programme.

Seemingly the Japanese Macaque Monkeys are the most northerly societies of any primate species other than man. But, not only do these choose to live in the Northern latitudes they seem to add masochism to their winter misery by adopting the Japanese Alps as their natural plot, where temperatures of minus 15c have to be endured and the ravages to the young, old and unfit were simply part of natures cruel selection.

Until, that is, the camera swung on to the hot pools. There in the same vicinity you saw Macaque's languishing in luxurious warmth. Faces basked in utter contentment; smug in their meditative comfort, their aristocratic birthright. No they don't share the pool. They have developed a hierarchy, a pecking order of haves and have not's. Those that are in the pool can come and go as they please. But their miserable cousins, huddled in their icy misery face death if they attempt to dip their toe in.

Strategically the numbers outside the pool were far greater than those in it - though that wasn't down to any lack of capacity - so the result of any attack would have seen the pool with new tenants. And, whether by arrogance or ignorance, the current occupiers didn't seem to be concerned by this potential threat. Perhaps their indolence will eventually expose itself as idiocy through self imposed interbreeding restrictions of the genes in their pool. Perhaps after another couple of thousand years of evolution the Macaques will be sharing the pool. Or perhaps not. Maybe the have not's will go on casting envious eyes; knowing what could be, but denying their ability to make it happen because its never been.

Perhaps the state of Macaque society is an apposite observation on the evolution of human society under democracy, Westminster, or even Western style with its hierarchical control of its power thermal pools. Or, is the acceptance of hierarchies hard wired into our primate genealogy?

Today we call it lateral thinking. It is the ability to analyse, adjust and expand an observation beyond the matter which brought it to the observers attention and for its projection to be valued as to its purpose and possibilities.

Samuel Johnson was a lateral thinker. In his journey round Scotland he noted, 'the Scots were more frugal with their glass than were the English.' An observation more in the 'bland' than the 'eureka' category but nevertheless it was a catalyst that led to him adjusting his perspective on social progress as being truly measured by the small advances of the many.

Johnson writes,"But it must be remembered that life consists not of a series of illustrious actions, or elegant enjoyments; the greater part of our time passes in compliance with necessities, in the performance of daily duties, in the removal of small inconveniences, in the procurement of petty pleasures........ The true state of every nation is the state of common life. The manners of a people are not to be found in the schools of learning, or the palaces of greatness...... they whose aggregate constitutes the people, are found in the streets and the villages, in the shops and farms: and from them collectively considered, must the measure of general prosperity be taken. As the approach to delicacy a nation is refined, as their conveniences are multiplied, a nation, at least a commercial nation, must be denominated wealthy."

So, what is the true state of that common life today? And, if, and that's a questionable 'if', the quantity of glass has been equalised through the Union, has its quality or clarity?

We know that Gordon Browns premiership has been jinxed by failure. By choice, a political geek, he's climbed the mucous greased slopes of party politics only to fail in the two positions that held any real power. His, and the party he represents 'illustrious actions and elegant enjoyments' have had less substance or purpose than the proverbial fart in a ballroom. Unfortunately the precision of the toxicity meters have ordered the ballroom be emptied and decontaminated.

His, and his predecessors, time in office, have done nothing to raise the 'delicacies and conveniences of the common man' as Johnson put it. In fact, given that the 'common' man is considered Labour's core right to exist as a political party, it's arguable that in both their ideological role and their executive abilities they're not fit for purpose. And when you consider the resources, power, opportunities and diversities offered by helming the ship of state, that's a pretty damning indictment.

Of the Blair/ Brown era there's - the failure to radically amend the House of Free Loaders (TB) - the proliferation of stealth taxes(GB) - (The raid on pension funds, when it was already obvious few would meet their promises to the investors.(GB) An illegal war to back an idiot over a egomaniac. (TB) The removal of the 10p tax rate in a manner which increased the taxes of the lowest earners by 100%, while benefiting the better off. (GB) The Iron Chancellor who had banished Boom & Bust until the bust came back and chewed off his prudence, exposing his ignorance.(GB) You could add to that the expense scandal but on the scale of woes, that's more puke-making than terminal.

While by now we should all see Blair in his true colours - I'm a celebrity; get me into there - Brown, we thought, had a bit more going for him. Less spin and sin. More of the what you see and hear, is what you'll get idiom. But when you look back over the years from 97 and consider his record, you have to ask. Did he ever understand and command the responsibilities of the positions he held. Were the decisions his, or was he just a front man sipping from chalice's filled by his mandarins? It's a fair question, albeit without an answer favourable to Brown.

There is however one thorn Brown is desperate not to have to add to his crown of judgement. One that is cast as a minor irritant to a colossus of world politics and may yet prove to be his nemesis. That is the breakup of the dysfunctional Westminster union by Scotland declaring its independence.

To prevent that he will use every trick he and the establishment mandarins can think of irrespective of costs, legitimacy or legality, though hopefully short of war..... Here's an example.

It was soon emphasised during the meltdown crises the lame duck role's being allocated and heavily publicised to the two major banks that were unfortunate enough to have the word 'Scotland' included in their name.

While there's no doubt both of these banks were guilty as any of the others of being blinded by their own bullshit, there's no reason to believe they could be that much worse than the exposures of Barclay's, Lloyds or HSBC.

Barclay's we're told managed to refinance from sources in the far and middle east. Not only that

but Barclay's, having been refused permission to buy Lehman outright, managed to raise 1.5 bn to buy the viable part?

On the Lloyds and HBoS fiasco of cocktails over winks and nudges, we've listened to the script, but whether we find it believable time will tell.

HSBC have managed, until this Dubai wobble at least, to keep below the radar the charity offered or accepted from the public purse?

But the Scottish banks. Every billion invested in RBS and HBoS. Every problem the absorbtion of HBoS is causing Lloyds. Any outcry at bonuses are directed at RBS. We are told so desperate is the position at RBS that the new CEO is offered a £10m thank you if he can get it's share price back up around the £1?

Last week it was headlined throughout the mediocre media that RBS and HBoS got billions in secret bailouts. Turns out they were given bridging loans when the panic first set in and the loans were as much a saver to the governments position as they were to the banks, who paid dearly for them.

The pertinent question was put by the Channel 4 newsreader when he asked Lord Myners - "Were similar payments made to any other banks during this period?" Lord Myners refused to answer. Pressed several times he would neither confirm or deny; so given the usual position of government, we can take that as a yes.

So why the constraint in admitting there were funds loaned to the other banks. Is it for commercial reasons? Who were these financial angels who bailed out Barclay's? The world of finance is well practiced in fogging the maze of money sources and transfers. Could the funds enjoyed by Barclays, HSBC even Lloyds not have sourced from the same treasury pot under a false flag label?

Given that all the banks were in deep dodo and panic was the order of the day, were some allowed the luxury of options and others not?

Or was it simply the squeezing of the 'Scotland' word along with the mantra of - Now's not the time to bother with independence, we must concentrate on getting out of the recession - is the only remaining debris Labour could cling to from the wreck of the SS UK.

Today we are told by the National Audit Office the cost to date of the bank meltdown is £850bn - a figure likely to rise and it probably doesn't include the cost of welfare/benefits to the unemployed etc - how much of that £850bn went to RBS or HBoS, most, all or some of it?

Answers on a post card please. But don't put an X on any of them; Labour may use them to boost their postal ratings in order to award us with another five years of their illustrious actions and elegant enjoyments.

Heroes are cheap today -Perhaps even cheaper than yesterday?

What part does Afghanistan play in the 'democracy' of the UK?

On the day that we hear of another five soldiers paying with their lives and, possibly, five others seriously injured by Taliban partisans who had posed as 'Government' soldiers, do we deplore the tactics adopted by the killers as 'unfair, inhuman or cowardly', or do we project our anger at the politicians who expose the lives of our service people for reasons that fail to reach the level of rhetorical tripe.

Supposedly, according to the rhetoric, our troops are there to prevent the Taliban? - or is it Al Quaida - or just anybody Muslim - from visiting our green and pleasant democracy and showing their envy of our materialist idyll and god given right to patronise, by attempting to indiscriminately blow us up.

For our part, our involvement in their affairs is, of course, purely benign- with the exception of the troops that is. And their arsenal's with all the profits they bring to the suppliers.

As a coalition of UN, US and NATO we are there to drum into their thick medieval skulls the benefits of our democratic process with all the trials, tricks, troubles and tribulations that corrupt it daily, if not hourly. Those being swept to one side as euphemism's of the democracy package.

However we have set them a good example of western double standards by organising a corrupted election to elect a corrupt president in order to maintain a corrupt purpose. We call this 'pragmatism' - a step seemingly in the right direction; which means absolutely nothing when those that are doing the stepping don't know which direction they should be heading on.

A couple of weeks have passed since I started this article, and since then the death toll has risen relentlessly.

To the families and loved ones of the soldiers, I'm sorry for your loss and shamed by the lack of ability to prevent it.

But take no solace from the words of politicians, generals or the media, it's empty rhetoric that only grieves for the effect it has on their dusty statistics.

Philosophy, Practice and Purpose.

The difficulty of relating or trying to relate any one of the above with any combination of the others is down mainly to the nuances and varieties of circumstance we as individuals, communities, nations or continents find ourselves in. Sometimes the sheer confusion created by these labyrinthine neurons of cause and effects can crash the minds capability to reason by the simple expedient of its overloading with trivia, trash and truth tortured to oblivion. Caught in this situation we have to ask ourselves - is that a true and natural state for us to live our lives in this world? Or is it a condition created, either by chance or design - probably a combination of both - aimed at vastly benefiting the few at the expense of the many?

I suspect we all suspect we know the answer to that. We know the condition exists and, while we cannot isolate the prime cause or prescribe the eventual effects, we wrap our dissidence in the mufflers of frustration and limit ourselves to the cliche's of "All power corrupts. And absolute power corrupts absolutely." Or, "until the power of love overcomes the love of power, the epitaph of this world will be carved on misery." The damnable thing is, that while these cliche's may be the lazy answer, they are a refined truth. And truth of any nature is not a bad base point for any philosophy to be argued from.

Since I'm a simple bloke I would like to expand the cliche's into simple individual terms of the gut, the heart and the head and apply that to our everyday world.

At the moment my own little world is pretty evenly divided between the daily chore of keeping the banks blackmail and intrusion in my life to the absolute minimum and looking after and doing all I can to ease the osteoarthritis my five year old mutt has developed. The rest of my time, including this writing, is pretty much fun. Though the writing like the bank, but not my mutt, often - no, more like always - is unrewarding. So there we have the emotions of the gut and the heart for the dog, with the head recognising the symptoms but acting to the gut and hearts instruction, while the combination of head and gut reacts to the bank demands and rip-offs while the heart refuses even to acknowledge its existence. The writings a combination of all three. With all of equal status, but fluctuating involvement depending on the subject matter. So there you have it, a pretty average life for an average bloke living in the Western Lifestyle - I suppose you could argue the "work" routine or even the trauma of joblessness and or pending homelessness is missing from the equation. But they're both pretty routine for millions at the moment, so they can be balanced out by the lack of the few with millions and quaffing Champers that are also excluded.

Meanwhile on the national front, 1st world style, the fashionable word in our daily media rations is, we're told, the "C" word. "Cuts" is the cry of the politicians and their tame media pundits, is the answer to the profligacy awarded to the bankers who, while they were too big to fail, were unfortunately too scared to jump, too arrogant to apologise or show remorse and have then the cheek to threaten us with the denial of their expertise and presence if we curbed their pornographic greed. ( Here I've got to say, it has occurred to me their attitude offered a more legitimate use to the facilities at Guantanamo. This eventually could be used as a staging post for rendition to the Moon. But this is part of my concept for the incarceration of those psychologically addicted to the abuse of power and to disclose it in detail now may divert and distract from the present argument.) Which is, that the present cries for Cuts is no more than another diversion from the truth. The real "C" word is crises and while for the West in particular that may well be a financial one that the moderate rich or poor may feel in their pockets, the third world are going to feel that crises in their already clamouring and rumbling guts. But, in their usual blundering incompetent way our political masters want to perform their human resource function by socialising the costs while their global corporate masters, not only recoup but increase their capital base.

Unfortunately, while the grumbling guts and their consequences will be all too real, the financial pantomime has no more substance than the piece of plastic in your pocket has in real value other than for the convenience and profit to the institutions. So financial barrow boys and their worthless fringe acolytes apart, the financial crises has turned the alchemy of bluff into real gold for those who dreamt the hand and dealt it.

And not only is it a diversion from the truth but, just as it has diverted resources from the general well being of the nation and its aid to the developing nations, it has diverted resources and attention from the far more serious crises facing the world.

I would rate the first, or at least the most immediate, still to be the Middle East as the flash point for a nuclear holocaust. The situation in Afghanistan isn't helping Pakistan to maintain its own sovereignty and this won't be helped by the desperation caused by the financial crises adding to the woes of the poorer countries in the region. This combined with the arrogant aggression of Israel and the concerns of Iran to be able to defend themselves from the US/Israeli pact and the plainly stupid genocide being inflicted by the pact on the Palestinians should be enough for any government or institution truly committed to world peace to start working towards the bottom line of sense. But sense is rarely the bottom line for governments, unless the sense relates to the dubious gains of vanity, exploitation, tyranny and profit.

The second is of course, global warming. Again the financial idiocy has shoved that to the back burner. This will be denied by their political human resource departments(the governments). They will continue to give lip service to the problem, while they and their masters ways and means committees develop how they can keep the profit ratios rising by again socialising the costs.

Can we afford to rely on salvation from such a selfish group with their short term values and restricted and covert agendas?

If we take the financial meltdown as an indicator of the global conglomerates abilities on long term strategic planning and the emphasis they place on their implications on society as a whole, along with the morality they engender or advance; where and how do they factor this in or quantify their responsibilities? The answer is they don't. None, zilch, zero. A non sequitur completely missing from both above or below the line of their accounts. The sole agenda for their CEO's is to minimise costs and tax liabilities while controlling profits to a level that's balanced to keep their shareholders and the markets happy. Meanwhile their true surpluses wing their way throughout the globe in a swarm of secret financial vehicles and surreal havens of wizardry and all to suit there own purpose.

Is it wise for us to allow so much freedom to individuals, corporates and institutes whose aspirations are limited to the next quarters, six monthly or yearly results? Does it make sense for us to allow these corporations to become supra nationals capable of defining their own rules and responsibilities? Is such a limited concept a safe tack for civilisation to advance or the fast track to its end game?

How's our heads, hearts or guts feeling about that? Comfortable (employed and well remunerated by them?) Uneasy (perhaps still employed by one but less well remunerated and less of a company man?) Frightened/concerned( an inner voice believing itself to be in a wilderness when, while it might be a wilderness, it's one clamouring with millions of other concerned inner voices)

Or could it all be a game. One big confident manipulative lie that we've been fed and reared on. A lie that is often changed in its presentation but never in its purpose: namely the control, compliance and exploitation of the ordinary people. Nothing new in this process, the god concept has been used for this purpose for millenniums. In modern times we have just changed priests to reporters and churches to various forms of media. Both of which in their time have distorted and tortured truths in order to turn superstitious myths into whatever Mammon satisfies their power feasts.

Here are some of the modern examples when the lie technique has been used to shape the concerns of our daily life.

The Cold War. Almost forty years of the threat of Nuclear Armageddon, because Russia was "communist" and wanted to defeat the capitalist "freedom loving" West?

Well we know Russia wasn't really communists; that was simply a relatively civilised title for, initially anyway, a tyrannical dictatorship. However by sexing up the threats of the Reds sleeping in our beds they had the profits of the Western arms manufacturers and the Pentagons upwardly spiralling. Equally the PR fed paranoia of Americans with the concept of communism was stretched to include any government anywhere which threatened to take power from the wealthy few and give it to the people. No matter what form it took, it was interpreted by Washington as communism, and they were going to save the world from it and give us freedom through the magic carpet of capitalism. ( sometimes they use the word democracy instead of capitalism, but that's only when they're playing to a soft audience)

Then in the eighties Gorbachev comes along and has a word with Reagan. He says he'll drop communism and its crazy command economy for the panacea of the free markets and will allow Germany to re-unify, tear down the wall and dismantle its Stasi state and allow Germany to join NATO, provided Reagan agreed that no NATO force would ever be deployed in the former GDR. Bush senior confirmed this Clinton ignored it. What he wanted, and got, was a U.S. run global intervention force to expand and protect the Western model of capitalism - it was euphemistically listed as bringing peace and stability to the regions in which it was involved.

But thirty years earlier Khrushchev, approached America placing the re-unification of Germany on the table only for the offer to be ignored. Makes you wonder who the real instigators and beneficiaries were of the so called Cold War?

More recently we have had Iraq and WMD's that could wipe us out in 45 minutes?

And the war on terror which could from another standpoint be more accurately called the war of terror. After all, what is there to a manipulated name, provided it allows the "right" effect?

Could it be the necromancers and alchemists controlled by their free market capitalists who in practice have failed on every promise except in the hypnosis of most of the Western world into believing the big lie and who, irrespective of the risks, are the real harbingers of terror and the misery it brings in this world. If capitalism cannot feed the hungry, only abuse and exploit them it's stupid capitalism creating its own eventual nemesis. But here we have to remember we are dealing with short term profiteers.

These are the weird practices and some of the sad purposes that could emanate from them; philosophy's absent because it can only take form from truth.

A Tale of Two Idiocies.

On the 20th of August 2009, Mr MacAskill the Scottish Cabinet Secretary for Justice, made his bid to be the 21st centuries version of the hand washing Pilate.

Not that, in my opinion, he was wrong to release Mr Al-Megrahi, the terminally ill Libyan convicted of the Lockerbie atrocity by an investigation, trial, verdict and subsequent appeal that, time has proven, did nothing for the integrity or reputation of the Scottish Justice system or its Judiciary. That was the issue he failed to resolve.

Perhaps justice was never intended to be part of the process. Not real, in your face, bang to rights, hard fact evidence that can be tested, argued, disputed, proved or disproved. That sort of justice - the benchmark of judicial integrity - being smothered by the fogs of political expediency and gunboat diplomacy. To the extent that while a centimeter sliver of evidence could be found eighteen miles downwind of the crash site, the truth has proved to be more elusive. Or was that the intention: to smother truth by a blanket woven from circumstance?

So, to the toll of victims and their relatives, can we add the consciences of eight Scottish judges? The last decade of a mans life lost to freedom? And, do we finally have to accept that truth to a politician of any and all creeds has the value and lifespan of an amoeba unless expediency says different? Because if we allow the latter. If we allow these jobsworths that amount of leeway and wriggle room we become both perpetrator and victim to the griefs and tribulations they foist upon us?

And I would like to say this to the relatives of the Americans killed in the atrocity. During the Civil Rights movement in the 60's one of the slogans was 'The Truth Would Set You Free'.

It's just as relevant today. Only by changing the perceived threat and their tactics, the people who are supposedly acting on you and your loved ones behalf have, by adopting the cause of might being right, either through blind ignorance or arrogance, failed completely to bring the possible costs and repercussions of their action into the equation. And, while by so doing they may have blindsided we lesser mortals to their real purpose, time and truth will expose the failure, foolishness and duplicity of their values.

Demand the truth from your government. Ask yourself if your loss is in any way different to that of the families of an Iranian flying home to Mecca, a Palestinian cowering in a concrete ghetto or a Libyan huddled under a night time bomb run? The rituals of grief may change but to try to measure that grief on some ritualistic scale based on creed, nationality or race is an application of apartheid taken to absurdity. If its only revenge that you believe will give you closure, then so be it: but make sure you have all the information necessary to give your vengeance some basis in fact and 'official' information can never be taken as fact on face value. Anything less and your 'revenge' is a euphemism for injustice.

It's that lack of trust and the insecurity it breeds that eventually destroys the creeds who implement the practices of dominance and aggression. The power game, by definition, can only have few 'winners' and is a complete anathema to the evolution and well being of the human race.

As a specie, we accept it as self evident that were are, for now, at the top. But it is self denial and utter arrogance to believe that we have reached the pinnacle of evolutionary progress. Taken on their own our failings in our compassion for our fellow beings are a clear indication of how little we have advanced in the last three thousand years. While technically, especially in the last two three hundred years we have advanced at a rate of breathless acceleration. But as a strategy the use of technical superiority as a bases for dominance by either ideology or aggression is short on gain and long in pain type thinking. Equally, while we as a biological specimen have gained from that technology the utilisation of our brains and mind has advanced little in the same period.

We recognise our world is a village in the vast scheme of the universe, perhaps a unique village but, if it is, that only makes it all the more precious and all the more reason for us to respect, conserve and maximise its potential and the time we're allowed to be the stewards of it.

Since time immemorial, history has shown one constancy which has blighted the development of humanity. It is the sublimation of conscience by apathy or dominance - the two idiocies. Governments and tyrants have used the dominance and nurtured the apathy to the extent our communal minds are riddled by the paranoia of what our neighbours intentions are towards us, instead of making sure the neighbours are getting the message we want them to get of our hopes and aspirations towards them.

It's time for the peace of our world and the lives of our children, that we remove the 'quasi' from our democracy and take responsibility for our governments by calling and holding them to account for their acts and omissions. The apathy of blind hate or material dominance is neither an answer or viable option.

Tweedle Dee or Tweedle Dummer

There's doesn't seem to be very much going for us at the moment.

We were promised a scorching summer, but that only lasted for a week.

Which is a pity, because having mortgaged the country for generations to raise the trillions necessary to save the banks for the 1% of the population who truly benefit from them, and possibly the other 9% who make a decent living by juggling the books to their benefit; along with the casualties and fatalities suffered by our troops hired out as mercenaries to the global conglomerates aspirations for Afghanistan. Allied to the revelation that our 'democratic' representatives were an even bigger bunch of incompetent carpet bagging free loaders than we suspected. Taken in conjunction with the Damoclean threat of swine plague. We could have done with the ten week summer break of hedonist living - deemed so necessary for our leaders - for us to recharge our batteries before the next onslaught of misconceived governance.

Considering the above pathetic concerns are only the deficits facing our current life accounts, our portfolios of investments for survival being beleaguered by concerns over nuclear Armageddon, global warming and population explosion, it maybe understandable that the pandemic of swine flue is preferable to the pandemics of cancerous lies we're living under. But the fact remains that every one of the above factors will by some magical osmosis and alchemy filter up to the benefit of the 1% Masters of the World. This is the essence - the big lie, of free market, unrestrained capitalism.

Capitalism of this sort cannot by definition serve humanity it can only enslave it. Reducing the common human herd to the level of consumer corpuscles nurturing and feeding its bloodline. This strain of capitalism, free of the tethers and concerns of morality, its limited conscience measured only by the bottom line fictions of their profit accounts and the balances of their power base, cannot fail to profit the few who benefit from it. It has no obligations, no costs to meet, other than the disbursements of corruption. Capitalism of this sort is as stupid, more destructive and a damn sight less sociable or eco friendly than the age of the dinosaurs. It is an insult to every concept of a humane society on this planet and is practiced and perpetrated by psychopathic tyrants and administered by sociopath governments, generally under the guise of democracy. Both of which may be wily and shrewd, but they're not the sharpest tools in the box when it comes to wisdom.

For any 'ism' that applies to the governance of man, to have such a narrow purpose and selfish short term profit for an elitist few as its goals, not only threatens society but places the civilization society depends on for its values and foundation on the edge of the abyss.

My understanding of the meaning of democracy is quite simple. Generally that a democratic society is one in which the public has the means - the right- perhaps the duty, to participate in a meaningful way in the management of their nations affairs, and the means of information is open and free.

Around 400 years ago when the 'Divine Right of Kings' were being questioned and the concept of a parliament was emerging into the light of enlightenment; the divine right of kings was considered diluted enough when it became the divine right of aristocrats, churchmen and merchants to govern. Little has changed. Today they still don't want their version of democracy to be polluted by the inclusion of an aspirational riff-raff. In short their version of democracy, the democracy we all struggle to understand let alone comprehend or willingly comply and identify with, is based on us being barred from exercising any meaningful contribution and the feed of information must be narrowly controlled by a tame media, malleable to obfuscation and disinformation.

We in fact pay for the doubtful privilege of being conned, confused and compliant by a sophisticated lie called democracy. Which only goes to show that, while we may be more sophisticated and worldly wise than our feudal ancestors we still haven't destroyed the myth propagated by our 'masters' to be regarded with the contempt due to riff-raff.

It's questionable whether the recent transfusion of cash and liabilities injected into the banks from our public purse was because they were too big to fail. (Or because their failure would have effected to many Mr Bigs? ) Perhaps the real reason behind the pawning of the nations future had more to do with papering over the cracks and crevices being exposed of a fatally flawed and crumbling Establishment.

As one wise commentator has commented, 'the next general election is a good one for Labour to lose.' But sadly the choice we are left with is only a mildly tweaked version of the Tweedle Dee's. Accept that limited choice and we confirm our role as contemptible Tweedle Dummers.

Lab-or-it-twa -garnia

Crinkly doesn't know it yet, but we're about to launch a new 'product' on the vanity market that will net us billions. ( I've got to be a bit careful here not to offend Crinklys' finer tastes and intellect)

The 'product' in question will be in the form of a pill which claims to reduce the outward signs of ageing in a unique and spectacular way that I'm sure will be 'recognised' by the British - indeed the Worlds Skin Foundations (whoever they are?) provided we send them a leaflet and a letter to vindicate our use of the word 'recognition' as a substitute for recommendation when the latter may be beyond the scope of the total brain cell count of all the Foundations.

Any way, SHIT-A-WRINKLE will be portrayed as having the capability of removing at least one wrinkle over a five month cycle when combined by the natural constitutional use of the lower digestive track for at least five out of every seven days of that five month period.

Of course the details; indeed the ingredients, have all to be finessed (depending on the chalk market) - there is some pressure to up the ante with a catchy ditty along the lines of, - Dump a wrinkle a month and get rid of the slump- or, the slightly upmarket when accompanied in a sexy pseudo French accent - A merde a dui etc... But we think when combined with the usual soft focus alchemy and cartoon graphics the suggestion will be enough to create the form of the promise and we will be well on our way to joining the Nought Cons bubble.

Of course it pricks the philosopher aspect of conscience to degrade its ultimate purpose - the exercise and belief in intellect. Or that the aspirations of that intellect to transform and blossom into common sense should be lost for the sake of common coin. Yet it seems self evident that while insight can appear in milliseconds it cannot now breach the defenses of a 20 second attention span so assiduously served out for our consumption by the Masters of the Conglomerate, Governance and Media Markets (the order of the last two may be swapped) who having stumbled onto the formula through washing powder ads have refined it to the extent where it's gluttonously devoured by endemic consumers satiated to the slough of apathy.

So if you believe the grief of politicians over eighteen year lifespans for a 'war' scripted, produced and marketed for the benefits of the conglomerates, or the financial alchemists regret at the misery their greedy incompetence has generated, or that justice is blind to the pressures of the executive, or that there is any truth in the spin you're kept in - then please don't forget to get SHIT -A -WRINKLE into your shopping basket.

You may be pleasantly surprised. It, at least, is halfway honest