Lab-or-it-twa -garnia

Crinkly doesn't know it yet, but we're about to launch a new 'product' on the vanity market that will net us billions. ( I've got to be a bit careful here not to offend Crinklys' finer tastes and intellect)

The 'product' in question will be in the form of a pill which claims to reduce the outward signs of ageing in a unique and spectacular way that I'm sure will be 'recognised' by the British - indeed the Worlds Skin Foundations (whoever they are?) provided we send them a leaflet and a letter to vindicate our use of the word 'recognition' as a substitute for recommendation when the latter may be beyond the scope of the total brain cell count of all the Foundations.

Any way, SHIT-A-WRINKLE will be portrayed as having the capability of removing at least one wrinkle over a five month cycle when combined by the natural constitutional use of the lower digestive track for at least five out of every seven days of that five month period.

Of course the details; indeed the ingredients, have all to be finessed (depending on the chalk market) - there is some pressure to up the ante with a catchy ditty along the lines of, - Dump a wrinkle a month and get rid of the slump- or, the slightly upmarket when accompanied in a sexy pseudo French accent - A merde a dui etc... But we think when combined with the usual soft focus alchemy and cartoon graphics the suggestion will be enough to create the form of the promise and we will be well on our way to joining the Nought Cons bubble.

Of course it pricks the philosopher aspect of conscience to degrade its ultimate purpose - the exercise and belief in intellect. Or that the aspirations of that intellect to transform and blossom into common sense should be lost for the sake of common coin. Yet it seems self evident that while insight can appear in milliseconds it cannot now breach the defenses of a 20 second attention span so assiduously served out for our consumption by the Masters of the Conglomerate, Governance and Media Markets (the order of the last two may be swapped) who having stumbled onto the formula through washing powder ads have refined it to the extent where it's gluttonously devoured by endemic consumers satiated to the slough of apathy.

So if you believe the grief of politicians over eighteen year lifespans for a 'war' scripted, produced and marketed for the benefits of the conglomerates, or the financial alchemists regret at the misery their greedy incompetence has generated, or that justice is blind to the pressures of the executive, or that there is any truth in the spin you're kept in - then please don't forget to get SHIT -A -WRINKLE into your shopping basket.

You may be pleasantly surprised. It, at least, is halfway honest